French Game Shows: NSFW edition

I love French game shows, even the American rip-offs like Qui Veut Gagner Des Millions. What's interesting is that, despite how useless I am on French pop culture questions, I own these people on history, grammar and anything related to religion. (Once, a contestant had to use a lifeline to arrive at the answer Adam and Eve.) However, this is even better:

Here, the host is reviewing the question (What orbits around the Earth?) and, as you can see, not only has the contestant felt obliged to ask the audience, but 56 percent of them have chosen the sun as the correct answer.

Another favorite is N'Oubliez Pas Les Paroles, which I enjoy but which I can't really participate in because I've never heard of any of these songs. Essentially, I'm just waiting for the inevitable French pop song which attempts to up its cool factor by including random English lyrics; I love when French people sing in English.

But without a doubt, my hands-down favorite French game show is Attention à la Marche ("Watch Your Step"), for the simple reason that I have absolutely no idea what's going on. At the beginning, there are four contestants, at least one of whom is certifiably insane. They answer a few questions, accompanied by these cartoon creatures who look like dancing purple popsicles:

After no more than two questions, the lowest-scoring player is no longer allowed to participate in the game, but he still stands around to take part in the chatting. And there is a lot of chatting. Think of the moment on "Jeopardy!" when Alex Trebek interviews the contestants and they say things like "I enjoy tennis and swimming... but not at the same time, haha!"* Now put that thought far, far from your mind, because nothing like that is happening here.

First, one of the guys tells a story about when he went to the zoo and felt he made a "special connection" with Ghislaine the Orangutan, that "something happened" when their gazes met. Right about now, we hear the first notes of "You Can Leave Your Hat On," thus announcing the arrival of, I kid you not, "The Naughty Question."

Today's question, after a clip of the purple popsicles dancing on a mattress: out of 100 women surveyed, how many said that all men have the same "mode d'emploi" in bed. (This doesn't translate precisely, but think along the lines of "methods of usage.")

Before revealing the answer, the host demands that each contestant do an impression. One guy impersonates Charles Aznavour, a dead singer; another impersonates a famous comedian; the crazy lady does an impression of (I swear, I am not making this up) "Me, climbing a rope."

Then the host goes back to the Naughty Question and invites the crazy lady to tell everyone about Her First Time. (Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about.) To which she responds, "I had several, and they were all marvelous."

Then the guy with the braid gets his turn and proceeds to describe the four different kinds of orgasms women have:

I would just like to point out that this show comes on at noon on Sundays. I'm just saying...

After this, we cut to a commercial, and when we come back, a randomly-chosen audience member joins the other four contestants in answering questions on a staircase. Then there's a musical break, and everyone dances together. Then more questions. And finally the guy who told the orgasm story plugs his album, at which point I realize he's famous. Which means that the crazy chick in the tiger shirt is also possibly famous. Then it's revealed that the woman on the stairs has won 10,000 euros. (How? When??) And finally, the credits roll, while the in-house cartoonist (yes, the in-house cartoonist) shows pictures he's drawn of the other guy and the orangutan.

I have no idea what this show is about, but I deeply love it.

*My mother and I actually witnessed this on an episode of "Jeopardy!" and it so traumatized us that it has remained our standard of dorkiness ever since.