What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been

Today I am finally ready to announce that after weeks of contemplation and discussion, I've decided to terminate the exchange at Christmas. When I leave December 17th, it's for good. This was not a decision that I made easily, and it was not the result of a bad day or even a bad week. If you've read this blog, you probably noticed that I began with cautious optimism, but over the course of several months that optimism eroded, and I ultimately concluded that termination is the best for everyone.

My colleagues here are struggling to understand. They are supportive but perplexed. They freely admit that this school is not great, that there are many problems, but they consider this to be normal. For me, as a teacher, the two most essential things are my feelings of competence and mastery in the classroom, and my relationship with my students.

I don't feel that I'm an effective teacher here. I speak English, yes, but I can't teach the kind of English they expect. As a native speaker, I find expressions like indeed, whereas and moreover unnatural and awkward, but honestly, it seems that the goal here is to sound like you just stepped out of a Dickens novel. I can't teach that. The type of English they must produce on their critical end-of-year exams is not my English, and I feel that they deserve a teacher who can prepare them for this exam. If they fail, I will feel partly responsible, and I don't want to bear that burden.

Most of all, I miss my students. Again, I've tried to explain this to my colleagues and they've tried very hard to understand, but the whole concept of student-teacher attachment is anathema here. I mentioned that a student had emailed me and my colleague burst out laughing. He thought I was joking. When I assured him it was true, he was puzzled-- "I can't even imagine a scenario where a student would send me an email or where I'd want them to."

And that's just sad. So I'm coming home. I'm sorry to disappoint Miss Cake, and I'm sorry for all the ensuing drama, but ultimately I had to make the best decision for me and my students-- on both sides of the ocean.

That said... let the countdown begin!